Aphrodite – The Six of Hearts
The mythological Aphrodite was wondrously beautiful and when she wore the magical golden girdle her husband Hepheastus had made for her, she became irresistibly attractive.
Within the pack Aphrodite represented the physical side of human relationships. In appearance, she had hair the colour of gold which sparkled like the stars on a moonless night…
[The intervening five thousand words have been deleted as they are in no way relevant – Ed.]
…and the soles of her feet resembled a drift of pink rose petals, blown from the hanging gardens of Babylon.
| NS Game, Dealer East | Ma | ||
| ♠ Q743 | |||
| ♥ AJ10 | |||
| ♦ 52 | |||
| ♣ Q642 | |||
| Askia | Napoleon | ||
| Aphrodite | |||
| ♠ A | |||
| ♥ 652 | |||
| ♦ AKQJ1098 | |||
| ♣ K3 | |||
| West | North | East | South | |
| Askia | Ma | Napoleon | Aphrodite | |
| 1♥ | 3♦1 | |||
| Pass | 4♥2 | Pass | 4♠3 | |
| Pass | 5♦4 | All Pass |
- Strong jump overcall.
- As Ma was to explain after the hand; she thought the auction up to that point was 1♦ by east, 3♥ from south. In her defence, she was playing with half an eye on the oven and the Bacardi rum cakes she was cooking up for Maggie's surprise birthday party.
- Control bid.
- Waking up
Askia led the eight of hearts to the ten, queen. Aphrodite followed with the five to deter east from continuing hearts in case Askia's lead was a singleton.
Napoleon switched to a trump - though later analysis would show that a spade would have worked better.
Aphrodite drew trumps in two more rounds - West following as dummy discarded a spade, and East discarded a heart and a spade. Next she played the King of clubs which went to the Jack from west and the two from dummy.
Declarer hoped Napoleon would duck, as she could see that she could throw him in with a club to lead hearts if he did - but, doubtless encouraged by Askia's jack, east took the trick ace and returned the suit to dummy's queen.
Aphrodite returned to hand by ruffing a club and played trumps to reach this position.
| Ma | |||
| ♠ Q7 | |||
| ♥ AJ | |||
| ♦ | |||
| ♣ | |||
| Askia | Napoleon | ||
| Aphrodite | |||
| ♠ A | |||
| ♥ 62 | |||
| ♦ 8 | |||
| ♣ | |||
Would you have played as Aphrodite did? If you'd like a hint – Askia is noted for suffering his partner's errors with what can best be described as… the equanimity of a rabid pit bull.
I've seen an exotic position like this before. Modern players call it a crisscross squeeze, but in the Calmer Suiter it's known as "the double hedgehog" (painful either way).
From the bidding Napoleon should have the king of spades; he's also guarding hearts as his opening showed a five card major. So when I play the last trump and discard the jack of hearts, he'll have to unguard one of the suits. If he comes down to the singleton king of spades I can play the ace and cross to dummy in hearts. And if he discards his heart I can play to the ace and return to hand in spades. All I have to do is to read which suit he unguards.
Aphrodite played the trump and Napoleon discarded a heart.
The problem with these positions is that sometimes you can't be sure which suit to play. East's played one heart and discarded three and he's thrown two spades. If his original holding was 5-4 in hearts and spades I need to play hearts, but if it was 6-3 I need to play on spades. Askia's kept three major suit cards, so there's no help there.
Is there a clue as to which is right? Let's recap, Askia led a heart and Napoleon switched to a trump at trick two. By Zeus! I've got it! It's got to be right to play on hearts. Not because of what either player has done, but because of what one of them didn't do!
Since the Pack's introduced the "no weapons in the playing area" rule, when Askia's displeased with his partner he's been constrained to slamming his cards on the table with the delicacy of a trampolining elephant. As he didn't even glare at Napoleon at trick two, it follows he must have led from a doubleton, not a singleton - which means Napoleon started with five hearts.
That's the great thing about excitable players; their failure to explode is as much of a clue to their holdings, as when they burst into flames.
Naturally Aphrodite had read the situation correctly, and the outstanding hearts fell under the ace; she came to hand with the spade ace and scored the six of hearts at trick thirteen.
The full deal.
| Ma | |||
| ♠ Q743 | |||
| ♥ AJ10 | |||
| ♦ 52 | |||
| ♣ Q642 | |||
| Askia | Napoleon | ||
| ♣ J1085 | ♠ K962 | ||
| ♥ 84 | ♥ KQ963 | ||
| ♦ 743 | ♦ 6 | ||
| ♣ J1098 | ♣ A75 | ||
| Aphrodite | |||
| ♠ A | |||
| ♥ 652 | |||
| ♦ AKQJ1098 | |||
| ♣ K3 | |||
After the Hand Aphrodite looked… [The next ten pages have also been cut – Ed.]
Meanwhile Ma asked Confucius if he could arrange for Maggie to leave the clubroom while the Pack prepared for her party.
Rising to the challenge he cornered the diamond queen and asked, "Maggie, is it really true you think sex has no place in the cupboard?"
"That's correct," she affirmed, with a glacial hint of suspicion in her voice.
"What? Even if both participants are contortionists?", asked Confucius.
"You know what I mean," she barked as she picked up her handbag in a threatening manner and left with her nose held high.
Mike Chanter
This sequence of articles was written and conceived by Mike Chanter.
Mike has been a member of Suffolk for a long time despite no longer living in the county and retaining his connection by being an associate. He still has many friends in Suffolk and returns from time to time to play in local events. He would be delighted to hear your impressions of Bridge in the Cupboard.