Official website of the Suffolk Contract Bridge Association
The argument had raged for years and was still no nearer being settled. Debates, meetings, democratic votes all produced the same inconclusive answer - no one could agree which was the best suit at bridge. We are not talking as mortals would, about their predilection for spades. But which of the suits, when locked away in the bridge club cupboard and allowed to play their own mystical game, are truly the best players. The matter might still be unresolved had it not been for the Three of Hearts who, with a yawn and a stretch, voted the wrong way during an especially protracted meeting. The outcome of the vote was that at last a format for a contest between the suits was agreed.
Each of the suits would select twelve players and form themselves into three teams of four. Each of these teams would then play a forty-eight board match against one of the opposing suits. In other words, four members of the Spade Team would take on a team from the Heart Suit, four would tackle the Diamonds and the remaining quartet would face the Clubs.
To be fair to everyone, this process was to be repeated a total of thirteen times with every card taking its turn on the substitutes bench. By the end of the contest the pack would have played six hundred and twenty-four hands.
Someone pointed out that a match between two contestants is called a duel, and between three contestants a truel, so by rights this event, with its four combatants should be called a quaduel. So it was that the event came to be called the "Quaduel Challenge".
Of course, it is quite probable that some readers of this tale will be sceptical as to its veracity. After all, they will argue, who ever heard of playing cards with personalities, inanimate objects that talk and play and eat and love. To these realists the concept of a pack of cards playing, and sending out for pizza (with extra pepperoni topping) is absurd.
What these people fail to appreciate is that, just as the Pack's existence was ethereal in nature, so indeed was the pizza. The whole microcosm within the cupboard was simply a reflection of the world in which the Pack existed, and the force that brought them life was life itself, effused into their beings by a magical osmosis from the fingertips that daily handled the Pack.
A by-product of this process was that the cards developed personalities, individual traits that would be recognised in any club in the world. The boorish, the brilliant, the enthusiast, every aspect of human nature had its counterpart represented within the four clans.
To complement their personas the cards selected names for themselves. These were either historical or literary figures or just names that their owners felt appropriate to their character. So the King of Diamonds became Genghis after the great Mongol general, and the Ace of Clubs was Merlin the magician.
When it came to forming partnerships the strategies naturally reflected the suits' psychological make-up, remembering that, roughly speaking, the cards' abilities reduced in accordance with their rank.
The Spades, who are sure that the game is solely a matter of logic, elected to play like-with-like in the hope that the scores of their strongest pairs would offset the results of their less able compatriots.
The Hearts are the Pack's psychologists. Every pause, every slight hesitation by an opponent is carefully noted and the appropriate inference drawn. Perhaps because they understand human (Pack) nature so well, they are endowed with quiet and good-natured personalities. So it was no surprise that for the match, to encourage their junior members they elected to team their strongest players with their weakest.
The acerbic Diamonds achieve success through sheer determination together with a detailed knowledge of every convention and artificial system ever invented; their powers of concentration and will to win overcoming any shortcomings in their play and bidding. However, since they could never agree on anything, after much discussion they decided to cut for partners.
Lastly, there are the Clubs, who can only be described as the 'jokers' in the Pack though not literally of course. In the bidding and play they are the masters of deception. The Pack has a saying, "You'll do better to trust a pair of scissors than a Club", though it loses something in translation. Even when their antics appear to have backfired they seem to possess an uncanny ability to escape disastrous results. The Club suit already had regular partnerships amongst their number so naturally these formed the basis of their team.
As the big night approached the Pack waited impatiently for the humans to finish their game. Eventually the lights were turned off, the doors locked and the sound of footsteps faded into the night.
A tingle of magical anticipation flowed through the pack as they took their places for the Quadrule Challenge. It was perhaps prophetic that the match started on the sixth of the month, for it was a six that was to star in the first round.
This sequence of articles was written and conceived by Mike Chanter.
Mike has been a member of Suffolk for a long time despite no longer living in the county and retaining his connection by being an associate. He still has many friends in Suffolk and returns from time to time to play in local events. He would be delighted to hear your impressions of Bridge in the Cupboard.